Did you sit through the endless red carpet coverage? I did. I’m pretty sure I lost some IQ points and all I wanted to do was feed Giuliana Rancic a sandwich, but I powered through it. Ryan Seacrest just needs to embrace his vertical challenge and start standing on a phone book because when he interviews people like Taylor Swift or Nicole Kidman, he looks like a 12 year-old. It’s so awkward. Kat McPhee looked like a deer in the headlights when she was interviewed by Seacrest. I mean they KNOW each other right? Why was she so weird? I’m thinking it’s because she forgot to wash her hair.
Ariana Grande was interviewed with her new guy Big Sean and he was her biggest accessory. The level of cuteness was pretty high on the nausea scale, I mean she wanted everyone to know “this is my man and you can’t have him”. Look girl, if you want a man that will take your inevitable breakup and use it to write a marginally interesting song that will be played on radio stations everywhere, then you do you. I look at this and I think about my ex that I brought to my sister’s wedding. He’s in the pictures and I wish he wasn’t. I feel like when Ariana looks back at these pics after the public breakup, she will wish she hadn’t hung all over him like a cheap suit.
I’m not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but here are my picks from the red carpet.
BEST: Taylor Swift, Chrissy Teigan, Jessie J and Gwen Stefani.
WORST: Rihanna (WHAT WAS THAT?) Iggy Azalea’s hair crown, Kim Kardashian’s bedazzled robe and Keith Urban’s ponytail.
New England Patriots will be on stage? What!! I had no idea. I was hoping for a Grammy Gronking, but Edelman and Butler did pretty well with a well-played interception joke.
Kanye West put on his best sweats to Auto-Tune his way through a crappy song. Someone please explain Kanye and his “art” to me, because I don’t get it.
Keith Urban has a ponytail? Stop. Just stop.
I felt the song with Paul McCartney, Kanye and Rihanna was all over the place. Matching black suits? Is it me or did Rihanna show NO skin this evening? Something is wrong in the world somewhere. The song is good, but I just can’t listen to Kanye sing. Mostly because he can’t. And Paul just looks so out of place. And constantly surprised.
The Grammy’s were far too long and peppered with performances that truly sucked (Usher singing Stevie Wonder) and performances that delivered (Madonna, Beyonce and Tom Jones) but it’s the one time where I will sit in front of the TV for hours on end that doesn’t involve Netflix.
Newsflash: your hobby is boring. Because with all due respect, it probably doesn’t compare to the long, arduous hours that sculptor Ian Schneller put into this project, an installation of over 30 colorful horn speakers he made from strange odds and ends like dryer lint and baking soda. What do they play? Why, composer Andrew Bird’s 50-minute whistle- and violin-driven composition “Echolocations,” originally recorded in a canyon to capture unique reverberations. Sorry, but your decoupage project pales in comparison.
WHERE: The Institute of Contemporary Art
WHEN: February 4 — May 10
Pianist Olga Kern joins the famed soprano for this Celebrity Series performance. Fleming’s powerhouse vocals will be front and center for a recital tour that includes operatic arias alongside favorite classics from the Great American Songbook. We’re crossing our fingers for a few selections from “Dark Hope,” the diva’s genre-defying album that offered sultry, jazz-inflected covers of songs as disparate as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” and Tears for Fears’ “Mad World.”
WHERE: Symphony Hall
WHEN: February 8
GREEN PORNO, LIVE ON STAGE
Mercifully, this has nothing to do with a new sustainability campaign from Kim Kardashian. (Exhale, everyone.) Rather, it’s a one-woman show from Isabella Rossellini, based on a series of short films that the actress-model created for the Sundance Channel. Armed with an arsenal of whimsical props and cheeky costumes, Rossellini offers a zoology class on the bizarre mating rituals of insects and marine life, sort of like “Sesame Street” for the kinky set. Sex-based provocation is nothing new to Rossellini, who made a curious cameo in Madonna’s infamous 1992 coffee table book, “Sex,” and this uproarious, oddity-filled evening sounds like the perfect Valentine’s Day surprise for irreverent lovebirds.
WHERE: Emerson/Cutler Majestic Theatre
WHEN: February 13 — 15
Am I biased because I owned the Immaculate Collection at age 5? Probably. That really is beside the point though because Madonna is back in full force with her new album Rebel Heart. After what was being called the “madonnagate” (her whole upcoming album leaked online in demo version and she was NOT happy) – Madonna decided to release five official versions of the leaked tracks on iTunes to hold her fans over until the full set is released in March. One of those tracks is called “Devil Pray” an acoustic bass-heavy ode to self-medication. Or is it? At first listen you might think, okay girl sit down, it’s not cool to sing about drugs when you’re in your mid 50’s (I for one think it’s great, light up that J Madge). The interpretation of “Devil Pray” is up for debate, but I think the song speaks to people coming together as one, an unstoppable force for the devil to reckon with, rather than self-medicating with drugs alone – which doesn’t get you too far. Either way, the track is fun to sing, and the hypnotic bassline should have you bopping around happily. Listen below and see what YOU think Madge is talking about with “Devil Pray.”
Catch the queen live this year at the Grammy’s, the “Unapologetic Bitch” singer should have an interesting performance for us all to say the least.
What could be any hotter than Karl Lagerfeld-Macy’s collab? Hands down, I say, the inimitable Mr. David Beckham and his ensuing underwear collaboration with H&M!
Sure, H&M, as the world’s number two clothing retailer giant, has the bargaining power to take on pretty much any talent (or glitzy celeb) it wishes to court, its long list of roster including none other than the mighty Lagerfeld himself, to Madonna and Stella McCartney, to launch these ever-covetable limited editions, enticing us to be lured into opening what thin wallets we have. But what’s even sexier (and even more strategic!), is that the first string of Beckham’s collection will be targeted to launch in time for Valentine’s Day 2012. Is it ever too early to start sharpie-marking our calendars with little red hearts just yet? I’m already at the edge of my seat, ready to ogle away the much-anticipated David Beckham in the H&M-branded loincloth, as much as I would shamelessly admit to. Aren’t you?
EDITOR AT LARGE
CHIEF FASHION CORRESPONDENT
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